It's Better to Love

So remember how I had the worst week ever last week? A little miracle happened. I read an AMAZING book. 

Seriously, everyone should read this book. 


This book has made me want to be: more vulnerable, love more, be more authentic, be more grateful, connect with more people, and most importantly...show my imperfections and let others know that it is okay not to have it all together. 


The book talks about how we live in a society that loves to numb. We live in this constant fear that we aren't worthy of love, so we shut ourselves off from every possibility of getting hurt. But, by cutting ourselves off from the chances of feeling all of the bad feelings, we also cut ourselves off from feeling all of the great feelings as well. 


Looking back on my life, I have had many reasons to shut myself off from loving others and being loved by others. The biggest one is when my brother-in-law Byron died. When he died I felt a pain that was indescribable. It was a pain that didn't go away for years...and still shows up sometimes. When I felt that pain, I decided to cut myself off. I stopped loving myself and others around me. I lived in anger and resentment, because I didn't feel like it was fair that I had to feel that pain. What I didn't realize, was that the only way to escape that pain was to love and reach out. I didn't want to love anymore, because I didn't want to feel the pain of loss. The pain of loss does not get better by closing yourself off and not loving. It doesn't get better by being angry and isolating yourself. It gets better by connecting with others, loving others, and realizing that we are all hard-wired for struggle and failure...but we are all in this together. 


Since we live in a pain-numbing society, we all fake this appearance that we are getting through our trials successfully alone...when we secretly want more than anything to express our pain and our feelings and feel the love and acceptance of others. 


This book is AWESOME. It made me realize it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to let people know I am sad and I am struggling. It doesn't make me a lesser person. It doesn't make me less worthy of love. It just makes me like everyone else who is also struggling. 


If I am being completely vulnerable and honest...I am struggling. My heart is broken. Maroon Five's "Sad" is on repeat on my itunes. BUT, I am going to confront my feelings and heartbreak, and I am going to learn and grow through my current trials, rather than numb and suppress them and pretend everything is "okay". 


Here's to being more vulnerable and authentic! Go read the book, it will change your life!